On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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