Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
