MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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