Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont even know how to be here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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