Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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