I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ketchup is God's man juice
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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