During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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