we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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