You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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