You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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