i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize