i think i have herpe
just one?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
