If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
