My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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