I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
