Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I look better un-naked...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
