Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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