I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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