Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
