So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize