Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
