at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
