And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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