why didn't you poke me back
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
