Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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