What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
