you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
