so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
