Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
