My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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