I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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