Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
