Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
