I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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