Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
