if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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