Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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