Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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