I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize