google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
