My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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