i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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