i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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