I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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