I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
