Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
