If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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