I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
