I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
