when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
