i think i have two assholes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
