I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
