dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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