I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
