What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
