I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
