R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
