Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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