Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
