idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
