I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
