dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
is that a dick in a sweater?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
