So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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