The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
