Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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