my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
