she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
