we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
