Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
